The picture for this post is very deceiving, because at first glance it appears that I’m totally spanking the five or six plebs still standing on the starting line behind me. In actual fact, those boys are waiting to START the next race….and they’ve been waiting a while. Sports Day at my primary school was usually a competitive event, but most of the bets between the parents focused mainly on whether David Stone would hold up the next race by more or less than ten minutes.
I was a MASTER of the egg and spoon, in that the egg was never in any danger of coming off the spoon: not even in a high wind. I moved so slowly that the only real danger was that the thing might HATCH before the race was run.
Other highlights included the three-legged race (teaming me up Clive Deall – arguably the fastest kid in the class – was seriously unfair on Sharpe House, because it meant that not only I would lose them a point in my own stride, but I’d also bring him down while I was at it.
The Sack Race was an event purely because I was still getting INTO the sack while the other kids were going for gold at the end of the track: the parents would then watch awkwardly as I slowly jumped my own lonely little race to the finish line, whereupon my mother would explode in thunderous applause as if I’d completely spanked the opposition with both arms tied behind my back.
My own son had his first Sports Day at the same school this year. Here he is trying to stay awake during a dribbling race:
Imagine my surprise when he actually WON this race. I mean, the little guy did a couple of big yawns and then took off like a rocket, zigzagging in and out of his lane but ultimately crossing the line ahead of the rest of his group. I practically welled up: THIS was the kid I wanted to be in my head: the football kid, the maverick speedster, the nippy sharpshooter, the centre forward.
It was strange, but as he thrashed it across the line I actually felt like we’d somehow cheated, that even with the massive drawback of my lethargic genes, we’d somehow tricked our way to the start of a truly awesome run for glory.
All this ended during the next race, when he was still being helped into the sack after the others had crossed the line.
Sports Day was originally written by Davey Stone during June 2015.